騎車的人心腸最壞最會偷練.(說到心坎裡了!)
They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this
happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what
they really mean when they say:
他們通常會講一些543,爲的就是待會好好打你一槍.爲了不讓這種悲劇發生在你身上,
請大家好好研究騎士的專業術語手冊,這樣你才知道他們到底在講些什麼.(我所指的壞心就是這種感覺)
"I'm out of shape"
我的身材走樣了.
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than
you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your
mortgage rate.
翻譯:我每週騎600KM自從孫中山推翻滿清之後每天從不間斷.
我換11齒的飛輪比你洗車褲的次數還多,我的體脂肪率比你房貸的利率還低.
(在比賽前常聽到我都沒練的這種話就是這回事)
"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
我沒有要比賽,我騎車只是健身而已.
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling
and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into
oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your
seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.
翻譯:我會一直發動攻擊直到你倒在水溝裡啜泣兼胡說八道,
爲了要贏這個衝刺點我會不惜憋你到對向車道.
爲了要先爬上那個坡,我不惜抓住你的座管,再把運動飲料灑到你的眼睛.
(真是壞心腸的最佳寫照)
"I'm on my beater bike"
我今天騎練習車出門.
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium
blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It
weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
翻譯:這隻寶貝是在托斯卡尼用教宗加持過的鈦合金精心特別訂製的.
然後進到風洞測試直到阻力全部消失,重量比屁還輕,造價比離婚還昂貴.
(很多人這樣說是怕萬一騎輸人才有理由牽拖)
"It's not that hilly"
那條路沒很陡啦.
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be
careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You
have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
翻譯:這個坡將比總統大選的競選活動還久,小心最陡的部份,可能會向後翻過去,
你只有39x23的齒輪比嗎?來!這是我膝蓋外科醫生的名字,介紹給你認識.
(上一次被騙去陽明書院就是這種感覺)
"You're doing great, honey"
老婆騎的不錯喔!
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This
is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating
chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.
翻譯:你這個大屁股,看到你我寧願半夜才回家.
這就是你整個冬天搞些有的沒的裝飾和窩在那裡吃巧克力的結果.
早知道我就應該娶一個可愛的國手.
(爲了家庭男人常常不得不講善意的謊言,事實上這就是內心的吶喊啊!)
"This is a no-drop ride"
我們會等最後一隻的.
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the
search-and-rescue dogs.
翻譯:我需要一件你的衣服給搜救犬辨識,才方便把你找回來.
(套一句楊董的話好像家裡火燒厝等都不等一下)
"It's not that far"
沒有很遠啦.
Translation: Bring your passport
翻譯:記住不要忘記帶護照.
(不公佈路程的團騎爲了就是要修理人啊!)